As your baby grows, have you, as a parent, noticed that her emotional expressions are becoming more complex?\u00a0 When your child laughs happily with you during play, you probably feel pleased and delighted.\u00a0 On the other hand, when she is angry, scared or throwing a tantrum, how do you feel?\u00a0 What is your usual response?<\/p>\n
These responses, whether downplaying or suppressing the emotions, or giving in to make the emotions go away, are common and likely well-intended attempts to help the child calm down and cooperate as quickly as possible.\u00a0 However, they somehow suggest that the child should not have these emotions.\u00a0 Research shows that if parents always respond to children’s emotions in these ways, they are more likely to have difficulties in regulating emotions and behaviours; instead, addressing children’s emotions positively with\u00a0empathy<\/strong>, and providing guidance in\u00a0emotion regulation<\/strong>\u00a0and\u00a0effective problem-solving<\/strong>, may foster\u00a0Emotional Intelligence<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0(also known as emotional quotient, or “EQ”).<\/p>\n “EQ” refers to the ability to recognise, regulate and express emotions; high “EQ” is found to associate with:<\/p>\n We are all born with emotions, positive and negative, which are\u00a0natural and spontaneous responses<\/strong>\u00a0of varied intensity that serve the\u00a0functions<\/strong>\u00a0of prompting us to\u00a0take care of our needs<\/strong>, respond to our immediate situation, as well as\u00a0communicate and connect with others<\/strong>.\u00a0 We may have different emotional reactions to the same event,\u00a0there is no right or wrong way to feel<\/strong>\u00a0and it is not helpful to compare them.\u00a0 We could avoid becoming overwhelmed and effectively manage emotions through noticing, understanding, and accepting them.<\/p>\n Consider a baby’s crying as an example \u2013 since birth, she cries to express her feelings when her needs (e.g. hunger, discomfort, or upset upon separating from the caregivers) are not met; this allows her caregivers to realise and respond to her needs promptly, while simultaneously serving the function of communicating and connecting with the caregivers.<\/p>\n To raise an emotionally intelligent child, you need to\u00a0respond sensitively to your child’s emotions and needs<\/strong>\u00a0to let her\u00a0feel understood and accepted<\/strong>.\u00a0 Nonetheless, children at this stage have limited language abilities, how could you respond positively to your child’s emotions?<\/p>\n Tip (1) Be Attentive:<\/strong>\u00a0notice the changes in emotions and states of both your child and yourself<\/p>\n If you could\u00a0soothe your child and respond to her needs before her feelings get intense<\/strong>, she could calm down more easily.\u00a0 Observe her pattern of emotional changes from time to time so that you may pick up on or deduce what upsets her more easily.<\/p>\n At the same time, do not overlook your own emotions; it is difficult to respond sensitively to your child when you are upset.\u00a0 Take a few deep breaths or drink some water to calm yourself before you “emotion coach” your child!<\/p>\n Tip (2) Change Perspective:<\/strong>\u00a0be understanding and take the opportunity to connect with your child It is far from easy to change perspective if your child is having emotions while you are in a rush or tired.\u00a0 You may try to come up with some simple phrases to work as self-reminders, such as “My baby couldn’t help it!” “This is a moment for connecting with my child!” which may help you accept her emotional responses at more challenging moments.<\/p>\n Tip (3) Express Empathy<\/a>:<\/strong>\u00a0Show understanding<\/p>\n By responding sensitively and timely to your child’s feelings and experiences, you not only help her feel understood and accepted, but also facilitate her to go through and express her emotions as she calms down gradually.<\/p>\n Children under two years of age have limited language abilities, here are two techniques to help you express empathy:<\/p>\n While your child has limited verbal comprehension skills, she could sense the emotions underlying the caregivers’ facial expressions and tone of voice.\u00a0 Thus,\u00a0copying your child’s facial expressions<\/strong>\u00a0and talking to her in a\u00a0matching tone<\/strong>\u00a0could help her feel understood.<\/p>\n Try to see things from your child’s perspective and describe her\u00a0present feelings and experiences<\/strong>\u00a0using simple terms in line with her abilities; in addition to soothing her, she could also feel your support and love.<\/p>\n When a child is upset or angry, trying to calm her down by making her laugh may unintentionally deny her emotions. \u00a0Try to show your understanding first, and use this kind of distraction technique when the child is less agitated!<\/p>\n * This leaflet has been developed by adapting the 5 steps of “Emotion Coaching” for children under 2 years old; for more details, please refer to the leaflet “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Preschooler<\/a>“.<\/p>\n The following scenarios are written to help parents understand how to apply the above tips to \u201cemotion coach\u201d your child at different stages:<\/p>\n It is not easy to calm crying babies, especially in the first few months of life, and it is sometimes impossible to identify the cause of crying.\u00a0 Be aware of your own emotions when you are trying to soothe a crying baby; when you start to feel irritated or frustrated, you may ask your family members to take over or leave her alone in a safe place, give yourself some space to calm down before you continue to care for her.\u00a0 To understand more about responding to a crying baby, please refer to the leaflet “Baby’s Crying<\/a>“.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Whether it is dealing with your child’s negative emotions or\u00a0rejoicing in her happiness<\/strong>, you can use these techniques to enhance parent-child relationship, foster her sense of security, and guide her to learn to regulate her emotions.\u00a0 \u00a0Responding to your child’s emotions with empathy will not spoil her; on the contrary, children who\u00a0feel accepted<\/strong>\u00a0are\u00a0calmer<\/strong>\u00a0and\u00a0cooperate more readily<\/strong>.\u00a0 By positively addressing your child’s emotions and applying the principles of positive parenting, you can guide your child to learn discipline and self-control effectively.\u00a0\u00a0 For more information on positive parenting, please refer to “Discipline Your Toddler in a Positive Way<\/a>“.<\/p>\n No parent can always be sensitive and responsive to their child’s needs. \u00a0Your child’s sense of security and emotional development could be facilitated as long as you consistently try to respond to her emotions using the above tips.\u00a0 Besides, often observe your child’s temperament, preferences, and daily routines, etc. may help you attune to her needs and enhance parent-child relationship.<\/p>\n The tips on “emotion coaching” will evolve as your child grows, you may refer to “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Preschooler<\/a>” for more details.<\/p>\n It also challenges your “EQ” when you try to be your child’s emotion coach since her early years, so you need to take good care of your emotional needs too!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n
Learn More about Emotion to Foster High EQ!<\/h3>\n
The Key to Foster High EQ<\/h3>\n
Tips on Emotion Coaching*<\/h3>\n
\nWhen your baby cries non-stop, thoughts such as “I’ve had enough!” “What a fusspot!” may inevitably pop into your head.\u00a0 However, from another perspective, your child\u00a0needs the caregiver’s help<\/strong>\u00a0because she cannot satisfy her own needs and she does not know how to express and control her emotions yet.\u00a0 As you patiently support her through her distress, it is also\u00a0a valuable opportunity for intimacy and bonding<\/strong>.<\/p>\n3.1: Mirroring your child’s expressions and tone<\/h4>\n
3.2: Describe what your child is going through<\/h4>\n
Example Scenarios<\/h3>\n
Scenario A: Your several-months-old baby keeps crying in the middle of the night<\/h4>\n
\n
Scenario B: During your relatives’ visit, your baby cries when one of them tries to pick him up while he is playing<\/h4>\n
\n
Scenario C: When you are busy preparing dinner, your toddler asks you to play with him outside the kitchen<\/h4>\n
\n